Kari Maaren

Letter to Santa
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This song hasn't yet been recorded, mostly because of logistics.  I performed it in December 2012 with James Bambury, who played the baritone ukulele and sang along as Santa Claus.  The bit with the kazoos may have caused quite a lot of laughter, including some from me and James.  Laughing while playing the kazoo is a problematic proposition.  The one complaint was that because James and I spent a fair amount of time singing entirely different lyrics against each other, people felt they were missing the funniest bits.  Here, then, are the lyrics and chords.  With luck, a recording will eventually follow.

Lyrics and Chords
Letter to Santa
C    Fsus2    G7sus4    Fsus2
C    Fsus2    G7sus4    G7
     C
Dear Santa:
Fsus2                  C
I want to ask about my rocket ship.
Fsus2          Gsus4          C        Am
I guess you forgot it on your last big trip,
Dm                          G7  G7sus4  G7
Or it was just too much for you.
  C
I hope that
Fsus2                 C
You remember to bring it this year.
Fsus2 G7sus4         C      Am Dm
How I long to see my rocket here!
G7         C   Fsus2   C
Sincerely, Sue.
C
Dear Susan:
Fsus2                           C
Merry Christmas!  I’m afraid my present sack
      Fsus2          G7sus4          C          Am   Dm
Won’t hold a rocket, which is rather hard to pack
G7        G7sus4     G7
And gives even Santa pause.
C
I hope that
Fsus2                               C
You’ll accept this sparkly skipping rope instead.
    Fsus2            G7sus4         C      Am   Dm
Now snuggle safe and warm into your little bed.
      G7           C   Fsus2   C
Yours truly, Santa Claus.
     C
Dear Santa:
Fsus2                   C
I must say that this is just a bit
Fsus2 G7sus4          C       Am
Indicating you’re not getting it.
Dm                     G7  G7sus4  G7
I suggest you think it through.
  C
A rocket’s
Fsus2                  C
What I really want and really need.
Fsus2   G7sus4         C        Am   Dm
Bring it to me or I’ll make you bleed.
G7         C   Fsus2   C
Sincerely, Sue.
C
Dear Susan:
Fsus2                     C
Listen closely to my very good advice:
Fsus2        G7sus4             C            Am   Dm
I am keeping lists, one naughty and one nice.
G7           G7sus4         G7
Which you’re on is yours to pick.
C                             
I wouldn’t
Fsus2                             C
Poke the buzzing hornet’s nest if I were you.
Fsus2     G7sus4            C                 Am   Dm
Just be respectful, as good children ought to do.
G7         C   Fsus2   C
Yours, St. Nick.
     Am
Dear Santa:
                                   E7
Your cheeks may glow and your eyes glisten,
                            Dm
But you need to learn how to listen.
   G7                        C
My patience is wearing quite thin.
    C                        C7
I’m stuck on this planet and want to be gone.
     Fsus2                    Fm
Just give me the rocket; I’ll blast off at dawn
    C                        Am
And find somewhere quiet for my race to spawn.
Dm                  G7sus4   G7
The situation’s win-win.
     C
Dear Santa:
Fsus2                      C
I’ve got lasers trained on the North Pole.
Fsus2 G7sus4          C    Am
Go on: dig yourself into a hole;
Dm                  G7  G7sus4  G7
I’ll destroy you anyway.
     C
Your magic
Fsus2                  C
Is no match for my technology.
Fsus2 G7sus4        C           Am   Dm
Go on, try me: very soon you’ll see
     G7                    C   Fsus2   C
Just where I’ll shove your sleigh.
 
     Am
Dear Santa:
                                   E7
Your cheeks may glow and your eyes glisten,
                             Dm
But you need to learn how to listen.
   G7                        C
My patience is wearing quite thin.
    C                        C7
I’m stuck on this planet and want to be gone.
     Fsus2                    Fm
Just give me the rocket; I’ll blast off at dawn
    C                        Am
And find somewhere quiet for my race to spawn.
Dm                 G7sus4   G7
The situation’s win-win.
  
[Repeat A and B sections (i.e., the "lasers" verse and the "cheeks" verse) with kazoo] 		C
Dear Susan:
Fsus2                           C
Naughty little children need to be aware
Fsus2           G7sus4      C          Am   Dm
That I have got access to a magic bear
G7               G7sus4              G7
That can make an earthquake with its mind.
C
Lasers
   Fsus2                        C
Are nothing against sorcery, so hunker down;
Fsus2         G7sus4         C               Am
I am quite prepared to level your whole town.
Dm              G7                   C   Fsus2   C
I’ve been doing this a while, you’ll find.
 
Am
Rudolph, mobilise your army;
                                 E7
Donner will serve nicely as your sergeant.  Mind the lasers, which will
                           Dm
Maybe not be vulnerable to magic; I hope they will, though.
G7                                C
We are now charged with defending Planet Earth from alien incursion, so don’t falter, as the
C                           C7
Future of the human race is now depending on our actions
Fsus2                    Fm
In this situation; we’ll make a valiant stand for freedom
C                                  Am
And for children who don’t shoot at people but obey their parents,
Dm                            G7sus4                        
Which, of course, is only right because that is what
                G7
Christmas means.

[Repeat A and B sections (i.e., the "naughty little children" verse and the "Rudolph" verse) with kazoo]
C    Fsus2    G7sus4    Fsus2
C    Fsus2    G7sus4    G7
C    Fsus2    G7sus4    Fsus2
C    Fsus2    G7sus4    G7
        C
Dear Santa:
Fsus2                   C
My ultimatum stands, so make your choice.
Fsus2       G7sus4           C      Am
Taste fiery death or make my kind rejoice;
Dm                     G7  G7sus4  G7
I’m awaiting word from you.
  C
I hope that
Fsus2                     C
You can see that it would just be best
Fsus2      G7sus4      C    Am Dm
For you to grant my trivial request.
G7         C  Fsus2  C  Fsus2  C  Fsus2  C
Sincerely, Sue. 		C             Fsus2
Dear Susan:
C               Fsus2   G7sus4
You sicken me.
C        Am      Dm
Whatever you may be,
G7       G7sus4      G7
Children should obey laws.
C              Fsus2
I hope that
C                           Fsus2   G7sus4
I’m not forced to kill you.
C    Am
Just listen, will you?
Dm    G7           C  Fsus2  C  Fsus2  C  Fsus2  C
Yours truly, Santa Claus.

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Content copyright Kari Maaren 2013
Images copyright Kari Maaren, Phil Mills, Erik Mohr, and Karl Stahl 2013