Kari Maaren

Dear George R. R. Martin

I am very fond of George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire (and yes, there are some mild spoilers both in the song itself and in the remainder of this introductory blurb), but that doesn't mean I can't poke at it affectionately from time to time. Think of the song as being sung by a stereotypical but very polite GRRM fan. I've had some complaints about the Sansa line (I've even been called sexist); all I can say is that I do not, personally, long for Sansa to die. I simply know that many fans do. So yes, she does make a bit of an easy target. Personally, I think she may survive until the end of the series.

Recordings

Lyrics and Chords

Dear George R. R. Martin

C / Cmaj7 / F /   /
C / Csus4 C / Gsus4 / G /
C /   /

     C                   Cmaj7 Am
Dear George R. R. Martin: I know that you’re busy,
    F                   C           G7sus4 G7
But I am requesting you finish your books.
     C              Cmaj7              Am
Your plot lines are great, but they’re making me dizzy;
    F               C           G7sus4   G7 C
The world you’ve created’s more dense than it looks.
   F           C             F           C
I really like settling down with your creation
    F          C          D    G7sus4 G7
And reading non-stop till eleven p.m.
          C                  Am
But your characters foster a certain stagnation,
     F             C           G7sus4 G7 C Csus4 C
Most likely ‘cause there are too many of them.

     C                   Cmaj7 Am
Dear George R. R. Martin: the problem is growing.
    F                       C           G7sus4 G7
I’m simply not sure how long I can press on.
     C           Cmaj7       Am
Oh, don’t get me wrong; I do like where you’re going,
    F              C         G7sus4    G7     C
But at this point, I can’t recall where you’ve gone.
     F              C             F         C
With each book that comes out, I reread the series,
     F            C        D         G7sus4 G7
And that takes forever and ends in a blur.
    C                          Am
And then there’s foreshadowing, hints, and fan theories.
     F          C             G7sus4 G7 C Csus4 C
Just kill Sansa Stark; no one cares about her.

     C                   Cmaj7 Am
Dear George R. R. Martin: I’m fond of King’s Landing
    F                       C        G7sus4 G7
And Riverrun, Dragonstone, and Winterfell.
   C                   Cmaj7        Am
Beyond that, your tale passes my understanding.
     F        C          G7sus4 G7 C
The whole situation’s confusing as hell.
     F             C          F           C
The scope of your project is simply breathtaking,
    F        C        D             G7sus4 G7
And I must admire all that you have done.
    C                      Am
But after five books, my attention span’s breaking.
       F          C           G7sus4 G7 C Csus4 C
Let’s face it; it was kind of shot after one.

     C                  Cmaj7 Am
Dear George R. R. Martin: I have a suggestion:
     F                       C            G7sus4 G7
When writing Book 6, think of ways you can try
  C                  Cmaj7 Am
To ease your astonishing plot-strand congestion
   F          C             G7sus4 G7 C
By sending as much stuff as you can awry.
      F          C           F     C
Douse your Seven Kingdoms in fiery terror
     F           C            D            G7sus4 G7
From deep in the south to the crest of the Wall.
      C                         Am
King, warrior, priest, princess, lowly torch-bearer:
    F          C               G7sus4   G7 C
The story will end when you’ve murdered them all.

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Content copyright Kari Maaren 2013
Images copyright Kari Maaren, Phil Mills, Erik Mohr, and Karl Stahl 2013